help.

I need a job... I need my apartment put back together in a way that doesn't reflect my ex... I need more money than my part time jobs are paying me.

trying to feel "at home" again

So I woke up this morning and I guess that I've realized this for the past couple of days, but I just don't feel at home in my apartment at the moment. Don't get me wrong: I love my apartment. It's in a nice location, I can have my dogs here, it has washer and dryer hookups IN THE UNIT(!!!) (seriously, not many places have that). AND! It's a two bedroom apartment and I only pay $600 a month to live here. "A girl could do worse...!"

ANYWHOOZLEBEES... I moved into this apartment with my ex. And now that he's gone, I'm having a really hard time getting past the fact that this was our place and now its my place. I need to "de-John" my apartment and I'm not quite sure how to go about doing this. When my sister and her boyfriend broke up, she re-painted everything and really transformed her house. I, on the other hand, live in an apartment where I can't re-carpet, re-paint, or any of that. My options are limited to the following:

1. Re-arranging furniture
2. Moving into the other bedroom
3. Replacing furniture, accessories, etc.

The only problem with option #3 is that I'm a poor ex-student (seriously, I graduated 2 weeks ago). I'm working on getting my first grown-up job but at the moment, HOWEVER, I'm still a part-time sales associate...BUT!!! I'm a part-time sales associate at a home interior store SO, I get a sweet discount.

Any thoughts on revamping my place? Someone, anyone?

dangerous liaison

Why doesn't this article surprise me? Meddling parents are part of the family package; I'm fairly certain that since the dawn of time, parents have tried to do what they perceive is the best thing for their children. Joe Simpson, on the other hand, throws the concept of "meddling parents" into a league of it's own.

Granted, I do not know either of the Simpson girls and I've never met their parents either... BUT, from the outside looking in, it would appear as though the sisters may benefit from obtaining non-family liaison to separate their business life from their family life.

I generally subscribe to the philosophy that you shouldn't mix business with anything else other than business (including family). I mean lets face it: Many of us (tho not everyone) strive to acquire our parents affection, approval, etc.. Whether we like it or not, even on the most minuscule scale, it does matter to a certain extent.

These girls are the age of my sister and I; I can't imagine my mom not only telling me that my curtains don't match my sofa or my dad telling me that I spent too much on my car, but also having them telling me which jobs to take, which magazine to sell my wedding to, all the while taking (at the bare minimum) a 10% commission.

But hey, that's just me.

buenos noches

It's getting to be that time again... Time to crawl into bed with the ladies (my dogs, Annie and Ella). Talk about bed hogs, sheesh! These girls like a pillow to lay on with half of their body under the covers, just like people! The pooch in this picture is my littlest lady, Ella.

This last week has been really hard for me, and as sappy and stupid as it may sound to some of you out there, these dogs are really what gets me through the worst of times- For I know that no matter what, there is not a single being in this world who loves me or thinks of me quite like they do. I hope that some day I can really and honestly love everyone the way that they do. Their concepts are so simple, but honestly, they are lessons of life.

This lady is Annie...

Grannie Annie :0)

I just love this picture of her!

Her facial expression boldly states in a no-nonsense kind-of-way:

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME".

pretty sure I could watch Top Chef forever...

SO, I'm watching Top Chef (and have been since my last post a couple of hours ago) and I'm pretty sure I could watch it forever and not get sick of it.

I know who goes to the chopping block in each episode.

I know every victory and every fatal flaw.

I know that right now I'm watching the wedding episode where they stay up for like 24+ hours and I'm genuinely feeling for them, all of them! (even Lisa.)
*I'm not a person who functions well on anything less than 6 hours of sleep.

I know that I'm incredibly sad that Antonia was sent home and that loud-mouth Lisa remains as of last night.

AND! I know from going to the Bravo website that Blais and his wife had a baby!

Life's good.

my eyes want to cry but I can't let myself

So sad to start this blog off on such a melancholy note... But it's the truth. Two weeks ago at this time, I wasn't living alone. I had a boyfriend that adored me and probably still does. We dated for like 4 years and I broke up with him because he has like $30,000 in school loans and $10,000+ in credit card debt and flunked out of college 3 times (despite the many letters of appeal I wrote to get him back in). He works at one of those home improvement mega stores where he makes not even $10 an hour.

$40k in debt and no degree to show for it... No degree to help him pay it off. I graduated from college last month and woke up a week later feeling really trapped. He's been out of school for over a year and had promised to get a better paying job. I know the economy is in the shitter and jobs are hard to come by, but a year? C'mon. Let me tell you: I'm NO ONES sugar mama.

Well, a week ago yesterday, he began moving out. As the days have passed, I no longer feel trapped, but I feel so alone. My eyes constantly feel as though they're welling up; I'm so anxious and uncertain...But at least I no longer feel trapped by debt that wasn't even mine.

His parents really did a number on his self-esteem. When he was younger, they wouldn't take away TV or send him to his room for a time out... NO NO. They threatened him with adoption and meant it. Told him he was worth nothing and would never amount to anything without them. I've tried for 4 years to pick up the pieces- to try and get him to love himself and accept that he was capable of so much. He just didn't care. He tried to care (I think) but not enough to drive himself to success.

What's wrong with me? I feel so abandoned but really, I'm the one who left the relationship.

Things just weren't suppose to be this way: We were both suppose to graduate from college and buy a house and have kids. How does one do that when there's $40k of debt, only one college degree, and his shitty credit score?

I feel so ripped off... He promised me one thing, and delivered another. I'm no longer sure if I was in love with him or in love with the grand picture of life that he sold to me.

*wandering*